Discussion Questions

1. How pervasive do you think insecurity is among women? Are there some women who seem to get off the hook when it comes to insecurity, or do you think it’s something we all grapple with?
2. What helps you feel secure? When in your life have you felt the most secure?
3. Share a specific time in your past when insecurity kept you from doing something you wanted to do or stopped you from using your gifts. How does it hinder you today?
4. What unrealistic expectations have you placed on relationships in the past? How can we become more conscious of negative patterns in our relationships?
5. Look through the list of false positives on page 38. Which ones resonate with you most? Can you identify your false positive—the one thing you think would make you secure?
6. As you read the accounts of insecurity in chapter 4, which of these biblical characters do you identify with most? Which ones have your sympathy, and why?
7. What role do you believe God plays in handling your life and your future? What impact does this have on how you deal with your fears?
8. Did you experience significant instability in your family? If you feel comfortable sharing, briefly describe your situation.
9. Think about a time in your life when you felt you were on your own with no one to take care of you. What prompted the feeling? What effect did it have on you?
10. What losses—large or small—have played a part in your insecurity? How does it help you to be reminded that God cares about your loss?
11. How has pride been a factor in your life? What is the difference between pride and confidence? What role does humility play in true security?
12. In what ways does the media put pressure on women? Share a few examples and your reactions to them.
13. Who comes to mind when you hear the word dignity? Is dignity a characteristic you associate with yourself?
14. How have you experienced the cycle Beth describes on pages 148–149? Have you been able to break it in the past? Do you think it’s possible to change?
15. What does it mean to be clothed by God? How does this image help you as you think about putting yourself in vulnerable situations—maybe even sharing in this group—where you may be revealing your weaknesses?
16. What women do you know who demonstrate might, strength, and valor? Can you think of an incident or a season in your own life when those words described you?

1. How can we approach God with a request when we’re certain it’s in His will? What kind of freedom does this give us?
2. Give some examples from movies or books that illustrate our tendency as women to idealize men and see them as the solution to all our problems.
3. How might your relationship with your husband (or a man you’re interested in) change if you were characterized by security and confidence? Does the prospect of healthier relationships provide you with additional motivation to deal with your insecurity?
4. Whom do you find yourself most wanting to control? What do you think is the connection between insecurity and a desire for control?
5. How do you respond to the idea that our feelings follow our thoughts and actions? Do you think that’s true? Why or why not?
6. On pages 244–245, Beth gives several examples of “self-talk”: deliberate statements you can tell yourself when your insecurities are triggered. Have you ever tried this? What was the result?
7. In what areas do you tend to let others’ problems erode your security? How can you combat this? What boundaries might you need to set?
8. Has insecurity ever robbed you of what could have been a rich friendship with another woman? Has it affected the type of woman you befriend?
9. Talk about a time you fell victim to the “bad math” of insecurity (see pages 280–281). How can we correct our thinking when this happens?
10. How can we find the balance between not tripping another woman’s insecurity switch and not taking responsibility for another woman’s feelings?
11. Who have been examples of secure women in your life? What impact have they had on you?
12. How does trusting God differ from trusting a spouse or a set of circumstances?
13. Have you ever seen God bring good out of pain—either in your life or in someone else’s?
14. What are some things that God promises us (see page 333). Which of these promises are especially meaningful for you as you face your fears?